Our Wedding Venue Dilemma

 

David and I have been engaged for a month and half and still have no idea what we are doing for our wedding. I know we have time to figure it out, but since we are both in our 30’s and want kids someday, I feel pressure to get things moving and at least figure out a  venue and a date.

 

Neither David or I have any close ties to our state of Georgia. I grew up in California and he grew up in the Northeast. We just moved here for  work and we don’t really want to get married here. Additionally, the majority of our wedding guests are from out of town and would have to travel regardless of where we chose to have a wedding, so we figured why not have it somewhere else? The one thing we both agree on is that we want a destination wedding in the mountains.

 

Our next issue is when to have the wedding. I really don’t want to wait over a year to get married. We have been together for 4 years and have lived together for 2 1/2 of those years. We don’t need a long engagement to ease into things. I’ve also always wanted a fall or winter wedding. Unfortunately, neither of us think we could get everything planned and give our guests enough travel notice to pull off a fall wedding, so now we are looking at winter or early spring.

 

Obviously a winter destination wedding in the mountains carries a whole host of problems. The biggest one is that we don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable in the cold weather. Also, winter conditions can close roads and make getting to the wedding destination impossible. Even if we push it to early spring, we are faced with the same risks, but to a slightly lesser degree. The upside however, is that winter is the off season for many destinations, so we could save money on the wedding and our guests could save money on accommodations. Winter is also beautiful and would make a stunning backdrop for a wedding.

 

To try and lessen the risk of uncomfortably cold temperatures and winter road closures, we are leaning towards a March wedding date, but we still don’t have a venue. Additionally, I am seriously concerned that even though 95% of our guests would have to travel regardless of where we have the wedding, that the extra travel involved in a destination wedding may mean nobody shows up. Atlanta is easier for our east coast friends and family to get to than a west coast destination (our preferred region) is. Not to mention, our families have strong and conflicting opinions on what we “should” do for a wedding. They want traditional, we want anything but traditional. Needless to say, much of the fun and excitement has been sucked out of the planning process, but I think once we find the right venue and pick a date, I’ll feel a lot better.

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  • I hate to hear that the planning is taking the fun out of everything! I hope that finding a date brings the fun back into it!

    • Thanks Kasey! I think once we have a date and location pinned down and I can start planning the decorations and other fun details, I’ll enjoy it much more! The biggest decisions are just so stressful.

  • I can’t offer a lot of advice on the venue situation, but let me say this: screw what everybody else wants or thinks you should want! It’s not about them, and if they get pissed about it, that’s THEIR drama. Don’t let it ruin things for you.

    • Thank you Christine! If It were up to me, we would elope, but it is really important to David to have his family present, which I completely understand. The issue comes when his parents flat out say they won’t travel to certain places and we “need” to have to wedding near them in Florida. Thankfully, after some big meddling on their part, he is putting his foot down and getting on board with the whole “the wedding is about what we want” idea.

  • As a Planner that has recently dealt with a couple with the same struggle, the advice I can offer you is pick a place and then only search for a venue in that location- don’t venture away from it. You will quickly get even more overwhelmed and it takes the fun out of it. Also, never listen to what your friends/family want for YOUR wedding. They will have or have had their own chance- you do what makes the two of you happy!

    • Thank you so much for this advice! We have an area we are interested in, and even possible venues. We just have to come to a decision if it is worth the risk of bad weather and a small number of guests that are willing to attend. I’m at the point where we know what we want and screw every one else, but it’s important to him to have his family there there and some of them have threatened they will not attend if the wedding is not near where they live. Luckily he and I firmly agree we don’t want a wedding in Florida near where they are, so we will figure out an option that we want and hopefully his family will attend.

  • My parents offered us my wedding money to elope. We accepted and they declined haha. Our families live in opposite sides of the country. If mountains are what you want, but you’re worried about weather: what about northern Georgia or the Smokies in Tennessee? I knew someone that did that recently and they rented a cabin in the middle of the nowhere for all of their guests. The weather and everything else was beautiful!!

    • I’d love to elope, but David wants his family present, which I completely understand. We considered north Georgia and North Carolina, but decided against it. I know this may sound paranoid, but we want an outdoor wedding and are concerned about having an obviously Jewish ceremony with a chuppah outside in the more conservative regions of the country given the recent rise in bomb threats to Jewish centers and vandalism of Jewish sites. I’m not saying people living in those regions are anti-semitic, but the recent events have us overly concerned and cautious.

      • I can understand that. I’ve had many friends who have received protest notices from LDS temples saying they could reschedule their wedding dates. It is unfortunate that people have to be ugly. Either way, wherever your wedding is, it will be beautiful! I’ve always thought Jewish weddings were so beautiful!

  • The people who need to be there will make it happen! Seriously. These decisions are stressful, but it is SO important that you make the day about you and what you want. Good luck!

    • Thank you! I’m at the point where I’m caring less about who shows up and more about having what we want, but getting to this point has been stressful,

  • Your respective families only have a say in your wedding if they’re paying for it. Do what makes you and your fiancé happy!

    Georgia has some beautiful mountains (and gorgeous wedding venues). The Atlanta airport is convenient for out-of-town travelers. Yeah, there will be some friends and family who can’t afford to travel, but don’t let that stress you. Your wedding will still be special! The most important people will still be there!

    • Oh we are paying for it ourselves and actually have declined offers from family members offering to pay for the wedding they want us to have where they want us to have it.

      Atlanta is convenient to fly out of, but we are determined to have the wedding outside of the southeast, and are starting to accept that might mean less people attend.