For the last 8 months I’ve been like an ostrich with my head in the sand. I’ve been told that’s a myth, that they don’t actually do that, but I certainly do.
I’ve shared in the past that I have anxiety. It comes an goes. I can go months not thinking about it. I’ll even start to forget that heavy feeling of dread that starts in my chest that makes it impossible to catch my breath. Then out of no where, it’s back, sitting on my shoulder like one of those cartoon angels or devils. For the last 8 months it has been firmly by my side.
When I’m in the middle of one of my high anxiety episodes, everything in life is too overwhelming. Anything can set me over the edge to a full panic attack that can take days to recover from. So I pull back from life and try to only do what is absolutely necessary. I pull back from most of my social life. The thought of having to go out, put on a cheery face, and be “on” is too daunting and emotionally draining. During these periods I also lose all creativity – with the exception of knitting. I do a lot of knitting when I’m anxious because it helps me get outside my head.
For the last few months I haven’t had anything that I thought was worth sharing on this blog, let alone the energy to maintain it. But in the last week, I’ve had new ideas popping into my head, and I’ve been excited to come back to this space. So if you’re reading this, thank you for coming back after my long absence and taking the time to read this post. I appreciate it.
I’m coming to terms with a lot of the things that have been contributing to my anxiety and I’m finally able to catch my breath again. I’m ready to take my head out of the sand.